Date:
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Time:
7:11 PM
30/12/07
its breaking to have someone you cant live without,
not able to live without someone else.
But love is such a funny thing.
even when it cuts so so deep,you still wanna go into it.
Because you love,because you like someone.
you wanna be there till the end,
to be there despite the pain or anything else
just to be in love with someone,
To wait for the right time and make things happen.
stable love builds over time.
or maybe not
I nv meant something to you,
or you never liked me to start with.
Does that explains why we cant be in love?
im going through hell thinking abt you with someone else,
bearing all the pain to see your smile.
Times when i breakdown so badly,on the verge of dying,
standing by the road wanting to dash out and die,
which of these times when i almost died did you see?
i told you i cant survive. i really cant
If its not for them,i would have died.
will you only believe that i cant survive upon seeing my dead body?
I wish we see the things each other goes through.
i wish i knew how to do big things for you instead of small lil ones,
so small that we often overlooked them.
Does everything i do mean anything to you?
will you think of me when im gone far away?
i yearn to be embraced in your loving arms
Date:
Time:
12:01 AM
30/12/07
Emotional breakdown is hard to handle.
i'm going to give you a present.
That is something i hold so close,so important.
Dreams are my reality
Date:
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Time:
2:49 AM
29/12/07
Swan is the BIGGEST fool.
why do i feel so upset?
Date:
Friday, December 28, 2007
Time:
6:30 PM
28/12/07
L.U.S.T
V.A.N.I.T.Y
G.L.U.T.T.O.N.L.Y
W.A.R.T.H
C.O.S.M.O.P.O.L.I.T.A.N
Future sports ambassadors
Loving you is like screaming to the world,that much.
So emo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Date:
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Time:
3:05 AM
blogger sucks right now
cos i cant upload my photos!!!
Folks aint in town so im all ALONE at home
how saddening.
And right now im beer-ing and online mahjong-ing.
OMG how boring can?
and the stupid beer is giving me gastrics!!!
day out was fun but full of WAITING.
then again times of disappointments too.
but its okay,whatever it takes to see that smile.
the present,keep to your promise ok?
it means to me.
i'll be waiting for the day.
Isemsila-
Date:
Friday, December 21, 2007
Time:
4:09 AM
to love you more
Take me back into the arms I love,
Need me like you did before,
Touch me once again,
And remember when there was no one that you wanted more.
Don't go, you know you will break my heart.
She won't love you like I will,
I'm the one who'll stay, When she walks away.
And you know I'll be standing here still, I'll be waiting for you.
Here inside my heart I'm the one who wants to love you more
You will see I can give you everything you need
Let me be the one to love you more
See me as if you never knew
Hold me so you can't let go
Just believe in me,
I will make you see all the things that your heart needs to know.
I'll be waiting for you, Here inside my heart
I'm the one who wants to love you more.
You will see I can give you everything you need
Let me be the one to love you more,
And some way all the love that we had can be saved
Whatever it takes we'll find a way .
Believe in me I will make you see, All the things that your heart needs to know.
I'll be waiting for you, Here inside my heart
I'm the one who wants to love you more
Can't you see I can give you everything you need.
Let me be the one to love you more
Isemsila-
Date:
Time:
3:09 AM
21/12/07
the heartache is killing me.
i will not survive,
i will not be fine,
i willl not be alright,
i will not carry on.
you are not me,
you are not sure of what exactly im going through.
i am not you,
i dont know how to not think about it.
You are everywhere
everywhere i am,there you'll be.
things thats happening may affect you the slightest bit,
but its like the world crumbling down on me.
Why is it always someone else but me?
i wish i was smarter,so i'd know how to touch your heart.
i wish i was smarter,so i'd know how to catch the right moment.
i wish i was smarter,so i'd know how to love you.
i wish i was smarter,so i'd know how to make us grow.
i wish i was smarter,so i'd know how to build a time machine.
i wish i was smarter,so i'd know how to understand you more.
Dear Santa,will you make me smarter?
to hear her talk abt them,it hurts so much.
like a bomb fall right onto my legs
i cant run,i cant die,i can only scream in pain.
you fight so much,in the end you are okay.
you end,but patch it up with hugs.
you say you dont love anymore,but you cant live without.
Happiness is not all abt seeing your love happy.
who sees the painful side where your love's happiness isnt you?
No matter how hard i fight,you still cant live without.
i am not good enough for her.i am too inferior
why why why
It cuts to know someone you cant live without
is unable to live without someone else.
Dont you get reminded of us?
I will tell you everything on my mind,
when you will think about it.
When my time is up,embrace me in your loving arms.
Date:
Monday, December 17, 2007
Time:
3:25 AM
17/12/07
I'd like to run away from you
But if I were to leave you I would die
I'd like to break the chains you put around me
And yet I'll never try
No matter what you do you drive me crazy
I'd rather be alone
But then I know my life would be so empty
As soon as you are gone
Impossible to live with you
But I could never live without you
For whatever you do
I never, never, never
Want to be in love with anyone but you
You make me sad
You make me strong
You make me mad
You make me long for you
You make me live
You make me die
You make me laugh
You make me cry for you,You make me cry for you.
You treat me wrong
You treat me right
You let me be
You make me fight with you, I could never live without you
You make me high
You bring me down
You set me free
You hold me bound to you
I hate you
Then I love you
Then I love you
Then I hate you
Then I love you more, I love you more
For whatever you do
I never, never, never
Want to be in love with anyone but you.
Date:
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Time:
3:37 PM
16/12/07
you know i couldnt live without
this is driving me insane
you could easily control your mind,not thinking.
all the things you once said,now seem so untrue
the things we once wanted to do,seem so far fetched
the future i once pictured now gone.
i always thought we had this spontaneous connection
its a joy to witness my death
you never liked me to start with
i couldnt trust anymore.
i go out i play i laugh i talk
when funtime is over,i sit down and CRY.
i've changed
gambling is addictive
when you lose your pants,you still carry on.
Credits to the gambling kakis: BangalaFurby,Adel,Jenna,Jasmine,XW
-for keeping me occupied
-for listening to all my craps
-for keeping me alive
PS:i still feel suicidal.
FUNTIME PICS
Feast
i cooked that wok of FOREST
Friends are ppl you need when you're suffering heartbreak
Creators of lucky draw Wantons
Nice prawns but unpleasant memories
I'll never see myself laughing like this again.
Date:
Friday, December 14, 2007
Time:
2:44 AM
14/12/07
we love we treaure
we lose we fall
we try we fail
we live we suffer
we sleep we eat
we wake we die
we live a life of regrets.
we are just pawns of this fucking game.
decisions are ours to make,
fate is just a facade.
i made mine a coward and rueful one.
In situations you cant handle,
you just wanna run away and blame anything for it.
who really cared when i was down and out?
who really bothered when i dont reply?
who really cared when i said i feel terrible?
who was there when i cry in this lonely night?
no one really bothers,they ask for the sake of it.
i smile i laugh i look alright perfectly fine
after that im haunted by emptiness.
Questions asked yet answers none
These days of silence,i look back and think
about the moments and memories of yesterday.
i have the feelings
I wanna grow old together,laugh at each other's ugliness.
build me a time machine someone.
i just need the last trust.
I PROMISE
Date:
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Time:
11:49 PM
13/12/07
the one mistake that changed everything.
ripped apart heart and broken bones
you dont seem to look back anymore.
the days we spent means nothing to you
the words i speak fall onto deaf ears
my efforts and actions' a nuisance to you.
i am stupid.. i am stupid.. i am stupid..
i am stupid.. i am stupid.. i am stupid..
i am stupid.. i am stupid.. i am stupid..
are you not gonna come back for me anymore?
Date:
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Time:
10:54 PM
12/12/07
my stupidity caused this hole in my heart.
my finger broken
my leg broken too
and then there's the heart as well.
i have no brains at all
so rueful of my actions,
i knelt for as long the clock ticked.
hear the devil repeating beside my ears,
dig out your heart to atone for your sins,
that way will you then obtain forgiveness.
the only voice that will get into my head is his not.
Yours
3days and going...
each day i sit at the door awaiting you.
this whole time,i've thought hard
and you are the joyful future of mine.
Louder louder the voices in my head
whispers haunting everything you said.
sorry... sorry... sorry...
sorry... sorry... sorry...
sorry... sorry... sorry...
sorry... sorry... sorry...
sorry... sorry... sorry...
sorry... sorry... sorry...
Date:
Monday, December 10, 2007
Time:
2:21 PM
10/12/07
Morning light is good only with you around.
i seek you fervently and when you're near,
i feel the rush of ecstasy through me.
SORRY
Am i fucking stupid or fucking stupid?
i shouldnt have _______
should have been brave to be honest.
i'm really really sorry
I swear i'll nv ever do it anymore.
Please?
Talk to me please
this silence is killing me :(
Date:
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Time:
1:06 AM
8/12/07
So i cooked the prawns.
first time doing it so it might have tasted weird,
i dont knw how it taste like cos i dont eat prawns.
And i feel kinda stupid for being in a rush,
end up forgetting all abt taking pictures of the process.
Steamed garlic + Stir-fried dark soy sauce prawns
they almost drove me crazy i swear.
All the stress was due to the search for receipes,
and the worries for the outcome of the dish.
I hope i dint screw it up
cos the other stuff looked more appealing?
YunRu please cheer up k?
gotta be strong and carry on with life,
cos this might be a release for him.
Cheer up cheer up cheer up!!
I was feeling kinda upset,
that i wasnt being cared for.
This uncomfortable feeling binds me
i feel neglected
Date:
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Time:
4:20 PM
6/12/07
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALE!!!!!!
i feel kinda neglected
and it sucks
Date:
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Time:
11:14 AM
5/12/07
My dream came true!!!
Stressed stressed stressed
stressed Stressed Stressed
Date:
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Time:
9:30 AM
4/12/07
BCM lecture now and nightmare is in 1/2 hours time.
FOF prac test turned out to be later instead of thurs!!
i wanna jump off the building like right now,
bev wants to stab herself using the pencil,
hui ping wants to go home sleep pretend nothing--
so no life lah.Oops
sock hua wants to go hui ping house eat egg rice!
Hahahahahahahhahaha
i want to go to the adidas sale!!!!!
SOTONG ANYONE??
brains are cracking
brains are cracking
skunk skunk skunk
skunk skunk skunk
sleeping sleeping sleeping
sleeping sleeping sleeping
I WANT TO DUNK
Date:
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Time:
8:41 PM
2/12/07
tears formed when those thoughts come,
thoughts of Her beautiful story has an ending is heartbreaking.
i will be sad,very sad.
I wont be able to help it.
i wish i could hold you so closely forever
IF ONLY you could live without
IF ONLY i had a time machine.
but its all personal decisions.
i understand it all.
I'll be here waiting for the change of habits.
i thought we said we'll learn to love each other?
one day we will get to love each other properly.
I hope and wait.
When you hear my heartbeat,
do you hear the fear of losing you too?
Afraid shows importance and love perhaps?
there is still so much we have yet to discover